Faith

Two days until my 25 yr reunion, three days until I leave to go back to Florida and plenty on my mind. However, as much as of an angst-filled day I've had, I feel vindicated in my beliefs and actions today. I have a sick mother who has been in and out of the hospital too numerous times to count in the past twenty years. However, she seems to have more lives than a cat. I think it's because she has a will of steel. When I think back in time she has made no regrets about her life.  Today I feel like I am hoping I can make my way from now on like her. Making my way with great faith.

I guess the disagreement/ argument I had today with someone close to me has made me want to do the things I need to do on my own. I'm tired, frustrated and just not willing to wait any more. This has put a fire under me and I'm glad.  It makes me feel more secure in me and the faith of God supporting me.

And if there was any doubt in this, while I was writing this I was scanning the tv stations, I found Joyce Meyer.  Whenever I run across her I know she has a message just for me. This time was no different.  Her message was loud and clear. I guess I have been so busy looking for the proof of God before I put my faith in Him. I need to build this faith by using my voice over and over.  Also, it is quite easy to give into the flesh whenever there is a storm.  And it's so easy to talk about the storm. To analyze it. To try and predict where it is heading and it's effect on me and my environment.  The doubt  that comes from this storm is born from me.  The real problem is I believe God can do it but I haven't believed God would do it for me. Why not? I believe in the air that I breathe, that the sun comes out every day yet why is it such a stretch that I can have God's support in anything I need and want to do? All valid questions.

Fear seems to be at the base of faith that is undermined. Really, what do I have to be fearful of? I have been at a low for a long time now. However, there always seems to be room for joy, for laughter, the relishing of my children, my friendships and heck, even a peanut buster parfait. I've finally become tired of fear. It is not motivating me any longer. Here is what is motivating me: Two job possibilities, moving into a place of my own in the future, the family I love and a potential new relationship. Oh yeah, and the Gulf of Mexico. So I'm going to write my fears in the proverbial sand with my staff of faith and watch the tide erase them. And if it takes me many days to continue to write those fears in the sand then watch them wash them away, I always know I will be left with my staff of faith.