Nothing

Trying to be in a holding pattern is hard for me. I am always assessing, planning and researching. I have a wonderful friend who has told me that I need to stop "thinking". In essence, for me that also includes worrying and doing, as well.  God is who I need to wait on and all I need.  For a great while I have felt that God is sending me a message that I am not comprehending. In my conversations with God I've even said "God, you need to make your message very plain and clear to me otherwise it is going to pass me by."  I know that the reason my life is where it is at is because I keep doing the same thing over and over to no avail. But what do you do when you don't know any other way?  The answer I believe is in doing nothing. Not going over and over in your mind about it. Not rehashing it with others and not stewing in the feelings that come from the past.  Work on what is given to you in the present and put your concentration there.  This wonderful friend is a messenger to me. He lives his life in the now and the future. When something is over with, he says keep moving and he doesn't look back. 

I think God also sends messages through people who are in our lives. The friend I mentioned above is a wealth of information and life experience. I am envious of his relationship with God and his connection to his faith. I aspire to attain that. He is not the only one. Last night a friend I have not seen since highschool came out to meet us. She had said she had been in her parent's jacuzzi.  I mentioned to her that my folks had a jacuzzi tub but I had never been in it.  She was shocked that I had not been in it. When she asked me why I hadn't, I didn't really have an answer.  I have a great deal of time on my hands yet I neglected to think about doing that for myself.  It is becoming painfully obvious that I am waiting for permission to live my life in so many ways. A jacuzzi bath is even on that list.  This friend was emphatic that I soak in it at least three times before my folks came home and she wanted me to report to her that I had done it.  I guess it feels so self indulgent. However, perhaps it is highly necessary. At the very least, I don't want to let my friend down.

Also, I think it is necessary that in this holding pattern and in my quest to do nothing, I be thankful.  I truly do have so much to be thankful for:  A God who loves me with all my flaws, two wonderful, funny children, giving and gracious parents, a caring brother and sister-in-law and an awe-inspiring group of friends who show me their love and interest in my life. God and the people around me are the nourishment I need. It is through them I receive my greatest gifts and the reminder that I need nothing else.